Why is Christmas a tense time for some families?
Too much excess – busy-ness (social occasions, kids concerts, cleaning the house, buying presents), spending money, keeping kids happy, pretending that we like our family…
and NOt enough – time, money, good will.What’s the most common cause of family feuds at Christmas?
In planning who does what there are opportunities for a power struggle ( eg people would prefer to come to me because I do it better) and rejection (eg you can come but don’t bring – your partner, your new partner’s kids etc).
On the day it’s about the rush to make it happen. Too much to think of and to do. We are exhausted before we even start the food and drink and presents. This can make us tense and overact to any perceived stress.

Have families become more testy over the years?
Actually I think they have become more accomodating. We talk about our skeletons in our cupboards to our friends and share a common realisation that no family is ideal. We all want Christmas to be a time of connection and a chance to Imagine a world of peace -even to folks who think it’s Christmas humbug.

What’s the best way to avoid confrontation at family Christmas parties?

1. Keep it short – have a set time that you are having the celebration or going to the celebration and stick to it. If you need to, tell a white lie about you having to go visit with someone else later.
2. Have a Chris Kringle, where everyone buys for just one person to minimise fuss and expense. Encourage people to spend enough for a decent present so their is no upset about inequality.
3. Do the food and drink in moderation. Oversoing on food and alcohol can make anyone testy and even toxic.  After the meal encourage everyone to take the kids to a park to play cricket and burn up the food and drink. If you are singles, go for a walk together.
4. Bite your tongue, even if you are aggravated by someone. It’s not a time to dump your old resentments or open up new ones.
5. See it all through the eyes of a child – the wonder, the harmony of music and sparkling candles and light, the anticipation of gifts and a good time.