HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU SHARE OF YOUR SEXUAL PAST?

Dr Janet Hall: I recommend that “open communication” is not necessarily the same as totally honest communication – which I call “the overwhelming truth”. Open communication involves deliberately telling your partner how you feel, what you want and what you don’t want, but only in a positive and constructive way. Overwhelming truth  means that you may be  hurtful or down right stupid in giving “too much information.”

For instance, don’t spill the beans about the time you had a threesome with strangers. This kind of admission can backlash on you for the rest of relationship (which could actually be very short once you’ve told the total truth). The overwhelming truth may back-fire because it hurts the other person’s feelings unnecessarily. In other words don’t be tactless and don’t leave yourself open to emotional blackmail because you have shared too much.

Resist your urges to find out everything and resist your partner’s manipulation to get it all out of you. Keep the mystery up but don’t give yourself away. Give vague answers if your partner really pushes for a response. Then reassure your partner that you love her/him.

Here’s some helpful answers to probing questions about your past:

Question: How many lovers have you had in the past?

Answer: I was curious to have a range of experiences when I was younger, but now I’m very happy with our love-making and you.

Question: Tell me your wildest fantasy?

Answer: I used to fantasise a lot about different women, but now I seem to always find you on my mind and my fantasies are about you.

Question: Did you ever have an affair?

Answer: When I was younger, I flirted and fooled around a bit with some women at various work dinners, but I decided that that could get a bit messy. Anyway, who needs to think of anyone else now I’m with you!

CAUTION: There are two things you absolutely should tell all the truth about.
1. Your safe-sex status:have you had any sexually transmitted diseases, have you had unsafe sex with anyone?
2. Your pregnancy risk status: are you on the pill, have you had a vasectomy or a tubal ligation?