I was asked to talk to Grubby and DD on Radio this morning about how people might be feeling about the Grand Final draw. It’s important that we recognize how stressful it might be for many devoted football fans. They would have been flooded by a potent chemical cocktail of natural stimulants like adrenalin and cortisol and they have not been able to release them. This could make for some very disgruntled and tense drivers on our roads this week, so watch out!

We need closure in order to come to terms with major conflicts in our life. This Grand Final Draw puts us into a week of suspense and tension which we didn’t need. Everyone probably feels disappointed and frustrated with the drawn result. Collingwood fans might feel betrayed by their team who failed to win despite a great start in the match. St Kilda fans might be bewildered that their team didn’t snatch the win after their valiant fight back. In the great Australian vernacular the best description of feelings is “Gutted!”

So apart from being careful on the roads, what’s the best action to cope with stress this week? Exercise!

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A woman complained, “I feel my husband does not love me” Her husband responded with exasperation, “I don’t know what else to do. I get home before she does, so I start dinner. I wash the dishes. I help her with the laundry.” She nodded, “He’s right, he is a hard working man, we just don’t ever talk.”

What’s wrong with this couple? Gary Chapman explains it in his best-selling book The Five Love Languages. Most people marry someone whose love language is totally different from their own, yet they assume their partner wants the kind of love he or she longs for.

This husband believes the best way to love his wife is with his love language which is “Acts of Service.” However, what she longs for is her love language which is Quality Time spent in discussion. Neither seems to know what the other really wants, so both feel unloved.

Chapman asked the husband “What would be an ideal wife? What would she be like?” He replied “I dream about this. She would fix dinner for me. After dinner, she would wash the dishes. When a button is off my shirt, she would sew it.”

His stunned wife replied, “You told me you like to cook.”  She turned to Chapman, adding, “If I knew the man’s Love Language was Acts of Service, I would fix dinner. I love to fix dinner. I did not know fixing dinner was important to him.”

The husband said “Why didn’t someone tell me this? You mean I could sit on the couch talking to her instead of doing all this stuff?”

What are the three other Love Languages?

1. Words of Affirmation, to affirm one’s spouse. Chapman asked, “Ladies, has your man said anything to you like, “You look nice in that!”  Also a common complaint of husbands is “I never hear any words of appreciation. If she says anything she is critical.”

2. Gifts. In every culture, a gift given is an expression of love. Yet how often do husbands and wives buy gifts for their beloved outside of birthdays, Christmas, Valentines Day or anniversaries? It is all too rare, which is particularly painful for those spouses for whom a gift is the most cherished yardstick.

3. Physical Touch: Babies know love in being physically touched. Physical touch is a powerful, emotional communicator. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and the sexual part of a relationship is important to a relationship.

Chapman said that of the five Love Languages, each of us has a primary one that speaks more deeply to us. Some have two and are bilingual. Almost never do a husband and wife have the same language. So what’s it mean for you? You have to learn each other’s language and choose to “speak” your partner’s language of love.