Beyonce, J-Z and Solange: Family vs Partner Conflicts Galore

Dr Janet Hall was the guest expert on TV Channel 9 when the Beyonce conflict story hit!

Who else other than the author of Fight-Free Families knows about family conflicts?

Beyonce and Solange Knowles are famously close siblings … but the shocking footage of Solange viciously attacking Beyonce’s hubby Jay Z has raised questions about what exactly is going on in this family.

But whether this is their first altercation…or their relationship has always been strained….they wouldn’t be the first couple to have issues with their in-laws.

QUESTIONS:

Q. Dr Janet, how common is it for couples not to get on with their in-laws?

It’s very common for there to be friction between the loved partner and the in-laws.

Often they work through these over time, especially when grandchildren appear and the deeper blood ties are formed.

But sometimes the conflicts can last a lifetime.

Q. What are some of the most common reasons behind it?

With new partner and judgments from Mum and Dad it is typically that “no-one is good enough for their golden haired son or daughter”.

With the siblings like in the Jay-Z case it could be because of jealousy – the sister feeling excluded – or it can just be a personality clash where someone just doesn’t like the newcomer!

Sometimes it can be a real clash of values such as different religions, cultures or money and status.

Q. Can family disapproval be genuinely destructive to a marriage?

Oh yes – it can cause a family feud where people cut themselves off altogether from the other party.

Or for those who do attend special family occasions like weddings or 21st there is always a risk of stress and alcohol fuelling an altercation and sometimes this is even physical!

Q. When it’s your husband or wife not getting on with your siblings or parents, it puts you in a really difficult position. Should you always side with your spouse?

Yes you should take your spouse’s side always – so long as it is fair and reasonable. Of course if your spouse is being irrational, this needs counseling.

Q. What about when you decide to face the issue and communicate with the family. Should you and your spouse put on a united front when handling issues with in-laws?

You should never stage a confrontation unless you are very strong as a team.
You need to have your agreements clear and your intention needs to be reconciliation so that everyone wins in the long-term.

Sadly, sometimes you can only expect hostility and judgements however. In this case – just be polite and stay away from them!

GET DR Jan’s FIGHT-FREE FAMILIES BOOK NOW!

CLICK ON THIS LINK

http://drjanethall.com/shop/fight-free-families-book

Did you know that 85% of families have had their first fight before 9am in the morning?

And they often fight at dinner and especially before bed!

Fight-Free Families explains why people fight and gives terrific ideas for how to manage fights, but even better – avoid them. It is possible to have an (almost) fight-free family by creating an environment at home that supports the peaceful resolution of conflict.

Do You Know The Best Reason For A Woman To Learn To Touch Herself?

Click  here

‘I Touch Myself’ was the Divinyls’ biggest hit and touched millions of fans around the globe. Released in December 1990, the single was No. 1 on the charts at home and reached the Top 5 in the US.

It is a song that celebrates female sexuality like no other. Like Chrissy Amphlett, it is bold, brave, and brassy.

It rocked our world. And when Chrissy developed breast cancer, it was a song she wanted to become an anthem for spreading awareness about the importance of touching ourselves for early detection of the disease.

As a tribute, Chrissy’s family and friends, her husband Charley Drayton, fellow songwriters, Cancer Council NSW and supporters from around the globe have come together to make sure Chrissy’s legacy lives on to remind women to be in touch with their bodies, and if something’s not right, see their doctor.

Ten of Australia’s greatest singers: Connie Mitchell; Deborah Conway; Kate Cerebrano; Katie Noonan; Little Pattie; Megan Washington; Olivia Newton-John; Sarah Blasko; Sarah McLeod; and Suze DeMarchi have come together to make Chrissy’s final wish a reality.

You can help keep Chrissy’s dream alive by spreading her message. Visit  http://itouchmyself.org and help support the #itouchmyselfproject

P.S. You might have expected Dr Jan to have more to say about women touching themselves intimately?
Indeed I do and will so in my next newsletter…I just want this important message to get out there NOW.

Feel Gratitude – Not Worry

Below is an article by Brené Brown I recently read in O/Oprah’s magazine. Instead of living with worry for the future, Brené talks about living in the now-and being grateful and joyful in/for the present.
Any articles I can find and read on letting go of negative thoughts of the past-regrets and shame-, and also of worry, stress, and anxiety of the future, I love to print/cut out and keep to re-read from time to time. In the bigger picture, this letting go can lead to more positive thinking and more enthusiasm for life.

Dare to Feel Joy

lf you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, says Brené Brown, you’re missing out.

She says: I USED TO STAND OVER MY TWO KIDS while they slept, and just as a profound sense of love and joy washed over me, I’d imagine horrible things happening to them: car crashes, tsunamis.
Do other mothers do this, I’d wonder, or am I unhinged?

I now know from my research that 95 percent of parents can relate to my constant disaster planning. When we’re overwhelmed by love, we feel vulnerable-so we dress-rehearse tragedy.

Though I study scary emotions like anger and shame for a living, I think the most terrifying human experience is joy. It’s as if we believe that by truly feeling happiness, we’re setting ourselves up for a sucker punch.

The problem is, worrying about things that haven’t happened doesn’t protect us from pain. Ask anyone who has experienced a tragedy; they’ll te11 you there is no way to prepare. Instead, “catastrophizing”, squanders the one thing we all want more of in life. We simply cannot know joy without embracing vulnerability-and the way to do that is to focus on gratitude, not fear.

The good news is that joy, collected over time,fuels resilience-ensuring
We’ll have reservoirs of emotional strength when hard things do happen.

THE DARE:
Stop the train. The next time you’re traumatized by “What ifs,” say aloud, “I
am feeling vulnerable.”
This sentence changed my life. It takes me out of my fear brain-i.e., off the
crazy train-and puts me back on the platform, where I can make a conscious choice not to reboard.

Be thankful. Recently, when a turbulent flight caused me to start planning my own funeral, I remembered something I’d learned in my research:
Joyous people are grateful people.
So I used the fear alarm in my head as a reminder to feel grateful for my kids, my husband, and my work.
Even more effective: Speak your gratitude aloud to others, or write it in your journal.

CHECK FOR ALZHEIMER’S – PRETTY AMAZING

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University .

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 60 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I bet you cannot resist passing it on.