My Boyfriend Wants A Threesome With A Guy
Dr Janet Hall
Question
My boyfriend is very keen for us to have a threesome with another guy. Although the idea of having sex with two men kind of excites me, I am scared that maybe he is actually gay and if we do this he may find out that he likes it more than having sex with me because I am a woman. At the same time I am scared that if I don’t do this he may get pissed off and go with a guy anyway. Have you got some advice for me?
Answer
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How are mood, stress, and our sex lives related?
This is a study of the relationships between low mood, stress, and sexual problems, over time. While it’s commonly known that the three go hand-in-hand, there is little research on how they relate to each other over time. We can apply what we learn about the relationships between these everyday difficulties to new treatment programs for depression, anxiety, and sexual dysfunctions.
If you decide to participate in this online study, you will be asked to answer some questions about negative emotions and some aspects of sexual function at six separate time points – either once a week for six weeks, or once a month for six months. This repeated measurement is necessary to fully understand the direction of the relationships.
The first time you complete the survey will take twenty minutes, on average, and subsequent time points will take about ten minutes to complete.
How Much Should You share of Your Sexual Past?
HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU SHARE OF YOUR SEXUAL PAST?
Dr Janet Hall: I recommend that “open communication” is not necessarily the same as totally honest communication – which I call “the overwhelming truth”. Open communication involves deliberately telling your partner how you feel, what you want and what you don’t want, but only in a positive and constructive way. Overwhelming truth means that you may be hurtful or down right stupid in giving “too much information.”
For instance, don’t spill the beans about the time you had a threesome with strangers. This kind of admission can backlash on you for the rest of relationship (which could actually be very short once you’ve told the total truth). The overwhelming truth may back-fire because it hurts the other person’s feelings unnecessarily. In other words don’t be tactless and don’t leave yourself open to emotional blackmail because you have shared too much.
Have you had sleep sex?
Dr Jan was asked to comment for Cosmo Magazine on Sleep Sex – ‘sexsomnia’. It is a parasomnia of the same family as sleepwalking – but people have sex, or masturbate, or try to have sex, in their sleep.
Q Do you think someone could honestly have sex without knowing it, and wake up the next day and not remember it?
Dr Jan says: Yes it is a common enough phenomena. I have had clients who report it.
Q Some Cosmo readers report their partner ‘groping them’ or ‘trying to have sex with them’ while they are asleep. However they do remember this in the morning. Is this type of behaviour a subconscious symptom of not getting enough sex? Your honrniness taking hold in your sleep? Or is it sexsomnia?
Dr Jan says: It’s not sexsomnia if the initiator remembers it next morning. Sometimes the “groper” is just feeling horny and trusts their partner to be responsive or not, depending on their relationship. Sometimes the groper is just desperate and calculating that the sleeper will let them get away with it! Click here to buy a Dr Jan’s audio on Sleeping Deeply With Hypnosis and avoid being the groper by mistake because you will be blissfully asleep.
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