Why Some Women Cheat?

@Dr Janet Hall

Men and women in relationships cheat on each other in huge numbers. They always have, and they always will. There are many reasons for infidelity – some of them are easy to identify and resolve, others are not. The reactions of people who find themselves the victims of a cheating partner can also be extreme. Some turn a blind eye to their partner’s extra-marital dalliances, whereas others will turn furious with rage and are capable of wreaking terrible acts of revenge.

Just like men, women cheat in their relationships for a whole range of reasons. Women in apparently committed heterosexual and homosexual relationships are all capable of straying, however recent studies show that lesbian women generally tend to display greater loyalty towards their partners. Gay men, on the other hand, are statistically more promiscuous and more prone to cheating than all other groups.

Here, though, we shall look at five of the most common reasons why straight women in heterosexual relationships cheat on their partners.

1. Not Enough Physical Attention

A major reason for women cheating on their men is simply unfulfilling sex. Dissatisfaction in the bedroom can be a powerful trigger for a woman to look elsewhere for happiness. Let’s face it, women want sex as much as men, and in some cases – more. A woman can find herself in a relationship with a man who is more interested in football and his car than he is in making her happy sexually. Alternately, her man may want to please her in bed, but for physical reasons is incapable of doing so. If he keeps it a secret from his wife or girlfriend because he finds his inadequacies embarrassing, she may think the fault is hers and not his. If you are a man whose plumbing has stopped working as intended, immediate medical and/or psychological help is strongly recommended. Otherwise, your woman might be parking her shoes under another man’s bed before you know it.

2. Non-Sexual Physical Factors

If you work in a physically demanding job and come home hot and sweaty, and then demand sex from your woman without taking a shower, don’t be surprised if she is less than enthusiastic. And if this becomes a pattern, she will suddenly start noticing and even sniffing the cologne of attractive strange men who pass her on the street. Maybe you’ve become too lazy to shave, and your wife prefers you clean shaven. Be attentive to what it is about you that turns your wife on, and what turns her off. Sometimes just a small amount of effort here is enough to save a marriage.

3. Revenge Cheating

Tit-for-tat cheating is quite common, and easily the hardest for a man to get all worked up about. Strangely, though, some guys think it is okay for them to fool around with other women, but when their partners do exactly the same thing, these men are overwhelmed by a sense of injustice. Guys, if you cheat and then she gives you a bit of pay back, you only have yourself to blame.

4. Mental Cruelty

Sadly, some women suffer terrible psychological abuse and mental cruelty from their men. When this repeated pattern continues for years, many women will feel compelled to seek solace in the arms of another, more understanding man. If a man constantly tells his wife or girlfriend that they are worthless and ugly, they will be much more inclined to spend their time with a guy who gives them compliments and says they are beautiful.

5. She Starts to Find You Boring

If your woman starts to get bored with you, then the writing is on the wall. Lack of intellectual stimulation can be as bad as a lack of sexual attention. There are enough interesting guys out there that will take her fancy. The real risk is that she will start seeking out the “bad boys” to fill her life with excitement – even danger.

There are, of course, other reasons for cheating by women, however the causes cited above are among the most easily recognized and dealt with. That is, if you want to deal with it. In reality, some relationships are doomed from the beginning due to extreme lack of compatibility, and in such cases it is best to set the other person free. That may seem a painful choice at the beginning, but eventually both parties will be happier in the long run.

If you and your partner have issues with one or both of you cheating, and you want it to stop, then advice from a qualified counsellor or sex therapist, such as Dr. Janet Hall, could be a valuable first step towards saving your relationship.

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Danger Signs To Know If Your Relationship Is On The Rocks

© Dr Janet Hall  www.drjanethall.com.au

Mandy came to see me because she wondered if her husband, Paul, was having an affair.

Paul left home at 7am and was rarely home until 9pm. He worked on Saturdays and sometimes went into work on Sundays (or said he did…?). Mandy wondered if he really was a workaholic or whether he was meeting someone else. They had not been out to a movie or dinner for months, sex was non-existent and they hardly ever talked. Mandy had been picking fights with Paul just to get him to interact with her.

Paul agreed to come to a counseling session with me and explained that he really was working and there was no affair. He just preferred to work because he felt the marriage was on the rocks and was too kind to confront Mandy and tell her he thought it was over.

Here is a checklist of danger signs for knowing when your relationship if on the rocks:

Habitual sadness and low energy.

Boredom, emptiness and loneliness.

Indifference to each other’s problems and goals.

Communication is routine and superficial.

Habitual avoidance of chances to be sexual.

Loss of capacity to play and laugh together.

An overbusy and chaotic social or professional life.

Individual activities are more important than shared times.

One or both develop growing dependency on a substance that interferes with health or

an ability to feel: for example,  alcohol, drugs, or food.

One or both have habits that drain energy, for example , gambling or obsessive TV watching.

One person is already living the single life.

Arguments persist and become more invasive.

One attacks and the other defends.

Fear and anxiety escalate when you know you have to discuss something with your partner

You both know what will start a fight, what it will be like, how it will end and how you will feel, and as it begins there is that “Here we go again” feeling.

So if you recognize these warning signs, do something before it’s too late. See a counselor, go on a holiday together, talk about what attracted you in the beginning and reinstate loving, sharing times with good communication. Don’t wait until it’s too late and your ship is well and truly wrecked!