Control Freak
Q
My girlfriend and I fell head over heels for each other and I agreed to move in with her after only three months. She has been driving me mad because she is a control freak. She insists that the flat is always absolutely tidy. I have to squeegee the shower walls after every shower and the kitchen sink has to be spotless. She even hangs the clothes out in order of small, to big.
Since she has the lease on the flat, I felt at first that I had to do it her way but it is just ridiculous. I want to live in a home, not a hospital. Do I have to comply or should I start moving out?
A
You don’t need me to tell you that you probably moved in too quickly without knowing about her habits. To really know someone you should ask questions about their background. For instance is your partner’s fussiness a reaction to a chaotic childhood home or is she a born controller? If it is a meaningful way for her to deal with a dysfunctional upbringing she may be able to learn to relax her standards if you gently coach her and give her the security of your love.
However it‘s impossible to change a dedicated neat freak and if you allow yourself to be dominated by her you may lose your sense of spontaneity, your ability to savour the moment, your flexibility and your sense of humour.
My favourite quote is “ the greatest stress comes from being out of control”.
Stability and security comes from structure and boundaries. We need these to help maintain our levels of stress and anxiety. However we can overdo it and be a control freak and forever striving for control means that we never relax – this causes breakdowns in our nervous system (and could lead to an early death!) plus we need to smell the daisies, kick a footy and just have a snooze after lunch every now and then and feel glad that we have let things slip out of control.
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