Control Freak

Q

My girlfriend and I fell head over heels for each other and I agreed to move in with her after only three months. She has been driving me mad because she is a control freak. She insists that the flat is always absolutely tidy. I have to squeegee the shower walls after every shower and the kitchen sink has to be spotless. She even hangs the clothes out in order of small, to big.

Since she has the lease on the flat, I felt at first that I had to do it her way but it is just ridiculous. I want to live in a home, not a hospital. Do I have to comply or should I start moving out?

A

You don’t need me to tell you that you probably moved in too quickly without knowing about her habits. To really know someone you should ask questions about their background. For instance is your partner’s fussiness a reaction to a chaotic childhood home or is she a born controller? If it is a meaningful way for her to deal with a dysfunctional upbringing she may be able to learn to relax her standards if you gently coach her and give her the security of your love.

However it‘s impossible to change a dedicated neat freak and if you allow yourself to be dominated by her you may lose your sense of spontaneity, your ability to savour the moment, your flexibility and your sense of humour.

My favourite quote is “ the greatest stress comes from being out of control”.
Stability and security comes from structure and boundaries. We need these to help maintain our levels of stress and anxiety. However we can overdo it and be a control freak and forever striving for control means that we never relax – this causes breakdowns in our nervous system (and could lead to an early death!) plus we need to smell the daisies, kick a footy and just have a snooze after lunch every now and then and feel glad that we have let things slip out of control.

If you want to learn more communication skills, accredited online colleges have communication courses

My bestfriend has started seeing a guy

My best friend has started seeing a guy who is a creep. He is openly rude to me, is possessive of her and doesn’t want her to see me. He always makes comments about how I look like a cheap slut. Plus he always has his three brothers with him, who are intimidating and crass. I told my friend to bail because he’ll never respect her. She has stopped talking to me, and calls me jealous, but I said I was just being protective. Is she right?

Ans:

It must be very hurtful to be dumped by your best friend and know that she is heading for a fall. I have seen many young women suffer from being dropped when their girlfriend gets a guy. She gets totally obsessed with doing everything for him and not care a hoot about her girlfriends. She may also compromise her values in hanging out with his mates in unsavoury situations.

Your friend is being dominated by this man and must be obsessed with pleasing him. Surely this cannot be her ideal man or ideal relationship? Ask her that!

Then you may have to leave it up to her to learn her own lessons. People either build you – or wreck you. You need to be responsible for your own well-being and hang out with those who build you. Maybe you need a new best friend?

Some people look into universities online when they want to learn more about this sort of topic.

Should I leave my wife for a stripper?

Qu Should I leave my wife for a stripper?

I have been married for nearly twenty years. The marriage has never been a happy one, and we have never actually loved each other. My wife and I have considered separating, but we have two children, and staying married seemed more sensible. The children are now old enough to be independent.

About 18 months ago, I met and fell in love for the most wonderful creature imaginable. She worked as a stripper, but the club banned fraternizing with patrons outside of the club, under threat of dismissal. So we only ever met at the club. A few months ago, I wasn’t able to go there for a few weeks. She rang me one day and left a message on my answering machine, saying she would ring me the following day. She didn’t ring, and she quit her job, before I could go to the club again. I haven’t heard from her since. I don’t know where she lives, her phone number or even her real name. It wasn’t necessary at the time, since I couldn’t date her or see her except at the club anyway. She knows my phone number, but I am married.

She used to say she did not feel comfortable ringing me because I was married. I think that if I try to find this girl I should at least be separated first. I do not think she will ring me if she thinks I am still married. I really am madly in love with her. Should I try to find her, or assume she does not want to hear from me? Should I separate first?

A

First question first – if you have only stayed together with your wife because of the children and they are now grown up it is certainly your time to enjoy and create your own life – so yes – do separate from your wife.

The stripper obviously showed some interest and now she has left the club she is probably more available so you have nothing to lose -once you separate- in locating her … if you can.

You may be amazed to find that once you separate, you actually attract a lot of other women into your life – the opportunities are much broader than meeting in a strip club. Get out there and play the field – always being a courteous, caring person, because that’s the kind of person you need to meet and that’s far more important than what kind of job they have.

Younger Woman, Older Man

Q

I am in my late twenties, but am keenly interested in a man in his late 40s. My oldest sexual partner previously was in his early to mid thirties. Is there anything I should know about sex with a man in his late 40s?

He seems to be in incredibly good shape, but…
Your advice would be appreciated (I don’t want to make any demands on him that will put him in a tough spot!).

A

A twenty year difference in age can be a potential time-bomb in a relationship. This is because you may have different interests and values. It’s also obviously about pace of living –a younger woman is more likely to want to go out and be active, while an older man may be happier to sit at home and relax. Sexually, the pace may also be faster for the younger woman and this can put pressure on the older man to perform. But if this man really turns you on and you enjoy each other’s company …go for it.

If he’s in good shape you need not expect anything different except that his erections may not get as hard as quickly as a younger man’s. Just stroke him and keep close. The magic will happen.