Jenny gets her partner’s cooperation


:: Diana writes about overcoming vaginismus
:: Sandy’s struggle with misdiagnosis of painful sex
:: Maria writes about stress and it’s role
:: Jenny gets her partner’s cooperation
:: Suzanne Pregnant on Overcoming Vaginismus

Jenny writes in an email:

Hello Dr Janet,

I hope you are well! I am writing to inform you of my progress now that it has been a month since our last appointment.

I made a photocopy of the diary sheet, and still keep records of all my activities. I also made a digital recording of your relaxation recording, so that I can play it on my transportable little MD player whenever I get a quiet moment.

I have found that after listening to the recordings, every second day, I have been able to feel relaxed, confident and safe when I attempt intercourse with my partner. I have attempted intercourse last week, and was able to get a partial penetration! This was a joy to myself and my partner, because in my case it was the intitial penetration that was the most difficult and scariest part. I keep asking him to pull out early because I feel too overwhelmed to continue.

As a consequence of knowing what a relaxed vagina feels like, I can instantly sense when my vagina is ‘frightened’.

It was after these successes that my partner has expressed enormous frustration and even anger towards my past inability to accept penetration. I have expressed outrage at his outbursts, explaining that his behaviour is negating all those good feelings that I spent so much effort cultivating, and that to place extra pressure on me to ‘go further’ whenever he thinks is fit, is unfair and makes me ‘tighten’ in resistance.

Fortunately we have been able to talk this over. He is now educating himself on Vaginismus, and looking up forums on the net to see how other women’s partners have coped. He also understands now that it was not appropriate for him to express his frustration in front of me, when it was such a sensitive issue for me at that time.

Cheers Dr Hall,
I wish you a great day.

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